In those moments of silence with Antony – in that instant of ‘Could we actually do this?’ – I know I am standing at the edge of a precipice. I know that this can only be the wrong thing to do. But then, as if trading in my soul, I go for it. I tell Antony I want him to inject me. I am cross- ing over to some other side. I am joining the tribe of the scarred and damned.
Or do I simply think what all prospective users think?
I’ll just try it; I won’t do it again; it’s not as if one shot will get me hopelessly hooked.
But one shot will get me hopelessly hooked. One shot will be too many and – as I will hear repeatedly in years to come – a thousand never enough.