What does it mean for us that life, for you,
became too bleak to bear?
By your not ending it, your life as such
would not have changed.
The room would be the same,
the world would still have gone about its restless business.
You might have seen it differently.
But three days later it might still have been
as dark and fruitless as before,
regardless of the love we heaped on you,
the testaments to all you did for us.
How could a woman who had given all give up?
Where did those sinking lows take you?
We could not reach you there. We were irrelevant,
were talking loud and only speaking air.
Did you believe that it would change you
in transforming consciousness to naught,
in jolting you from day to night? Well, you were right.
It leaves me questioning my own diminished appetite,
however schooled I’ve been to stop the plunging lows,
to put one foot before the other
and to give this life another go.
barneyhoskyns.com 
You expressed my bewilderment, shock, and sadness beautifully at this tragic and untimely death and JFT we have an obligation to ourselves & others to see another sunrise come what may.
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All I know is that it does pass and the darkest dark is always shaded by joys unimagined eventually
I chose life
A decision I have never regretted
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Thanks Barney , a fearless, succinct and sober response to the impossible conundrum of Mary’s death. Like the torturers horse, scratching its innocent behind on a tree, the world goes on – and we are left to make sense as best we can with the tools we have. You’ve given voice to the terrible powerlessness of it. x
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What a wonderful way of describing how hard the choice to keep on keeping on can be. Sometimes, it’s just too hard. Thank you xxx
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Mary….
Haven’t looked at FB much for months then I saw the poem about a girl I knew and my heart skipped a beat and felt like it was breaking a little…..
A beautiful poem about a girl written by someone far more comfortable writing about Led Zeppelin or Mick.
A tall girl with brown hair. I remember the line of her jaw, her smile. She was a lovely girl, beloved by many who had been given the grace to put her hand in someone else’s hand and make them feel they were not alone and never need be again. I was new. She’d been around a while. She was kind to me. I remember thinking all I have to do is stick it out a day at a time and I can be like her.
Happy, living her life as if that life or death decision inside was not even there. You know the one. And making that decision to live one day at a time until one day she didn’t.
I’m glad I knew her – only a little but yes, she was a lovely girl….
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Thanks Deborah. Very good to hear from you and I do hope you’re well – or, at least, in better shape that our dear departed friend.
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